This semester has already turned into one of those semesters in which I feel perpetually behind. I worked all of Christmas break - even while visiting my in-laws in Oregon! - spending at least 3 hours everyday doing something dissertation or clarinet related. And when school finally started, instead of feeling ahead, or even on track, I felt hopelessly behind. And still do. This isn't what life is supposed to be like. I miss the days of successfully balancing work and play, so that I actually enjoy both! Right now I am not enjoying work because it feels like that is all I do and I'm not enjoying play because when I do stop and for some "me time" I feel like I can't afford to not work! This too shall pass.
Things are not all bad, however. In my teaching I've noticed a new level of confidence - I'm not afraid to honestly say, "play that again while I think about exactly what I want to say" in a situation where I want to choose my words carefully and wisely. It's no longer a question of, "do I know what to do here," but a matter of, "what's the best way to approach this problem for this particular student." And I've noticed my students responding better to my comments and suggestions when I do take the time to really craft what I say for them as an individual. I wonder if they have noticed a difference also.
I'm also experiencing another first as a teacher. A student of mine from last semester (let's call them, Student J) has moved on to another studio, a different large ensemble, a place where most other students his level in study have been for awhile. So in my own curiosity, I revisited his blog (thankfully he's keeping the same one as for me last semester!) and was a little befuddled by what I found. Student J's most recent post recounts the things in his playing that he is happy with, changes he has made, and how he's enjoying playing so much more. But the things he described are things I told him and worked with him on repeatedly - verbatim! - during our semester together. Dr. Burns warned us about those times when you have students play for a masterclass, and the "master" tells them the exact things you've been saying all along, and suddenly they click. Like magic. And that it isn't necessarily a negative on your teaching, it's just what the student needed for everything to sink in or finally make sense. Perhaps that is what is happening here. In a way I feel validated in the work I did with Student J, since apparently I was saying the right things. On the other hand though, I wonder what I could have done differently so that he understood, and better yet implemented, these things months ago! Oh, the catch-22's of teaching. I don't suppose they'll ever end? :-)
Ok. Enough typing with my kitty in my lap vying for my attention. Must pat the cat for a minute, then finish the section of my document I left hanging last night. Then off to Salisbury for rehearsal - during the Super Bowl! It's ok. I hate the Patriots. I love music. There's always a silver lining. Ciao ciao!!
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